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Jesus Not Coming Back : Admits Vatican

“Jesus Not Coming Back By The Looks Of It” Admits Vatican

A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican has officially announced at 08/04/2014 that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news.
Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore told WWN that this years 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth.
“We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.”
Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”
The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments.
“Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.”
The church said it will now focus attentions on rebuilding its reputation around the world, but will keep an optimistic mind for the savior’s second coming.


  1. We all have those nights drunk Jesus no prob, the fly spaghetti monster is always here for us.

  2. He was probably drinking wine like Mabye the bible is just a fictional book that somebody wrote a long time.

  3. Now that you've finally admitted the fact that Jesus IN PERSON is not coming back you should look carefully at the claim of Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (as) of Qadian, The head of the Ahmadiyya Muslim community who claimed to be the second coming of Jesus with his attributes rather than in person. As Jesus said to those who doubted that Elijah was John the Baptist in the same way as Elijah, Jesus was to return. NOT IN PERSON.

  4. "If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”

    Why don't they just claim Jesus is speaking through the Pope to tell us he changed his mind?


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